Come on in and sit a minute.
A lifetime of things is a lot to look at. It would be for anybody. So I put together a small book to keep you company through it.
I have sat at a great many kitchen tables while women told me how this really feels. Tell me if I have it right.
You looked after these things for years. You wrapped your mother's dishes in tissue, and then your children said, kindly enough, that they don't want them. That stings. It was never really about the dishes.
Some of it is not even yours. It is his coat on the hook, his tools on the bench. Moving any of it can feel like saying goodbye all over again, and nobody should hurry you through that.
And it is lonely work. You decide every single thing by yourself, and by the third drawer you are worn out. Anyone would be.
None of this means there is anything wrong with you. This was never a one-woman job. You only need someone beside you who has been through it before.
For thirty-two years my work took me into other families' homes, to help them through exactly this. So I am not guessing. I know what trips people up, and I know what makes a house feel lighter.
I called it Dumpster First, because the easy things go first and the things you love stay right where they are. I wanted to sit beside you and hand you a gentle order to follow, two hours at a time, with plenty of room to stop.
Hardly anyone does. I start you at your front door, with five easy things that need no deciding.
That fear is good sense. Every card has a box called Check Before It Leaves.
I would never ask you to. Anything high or heavy goes on a sheet for someone else.
I know that hurts. I wrote the telephone call out for you, word for word.
Neither can I. My A to Z covers forty-seven things: who to phone and what to ask.
So does mine. Every session stops at two hours, and there is a twenty-minute job for tired days.
Then they stay, for as long as you need. Nothing in my book asks you to touch them.
You should be. I wrote a page for the first ten minutes when help arrives.
There is no need to buy anything first. Go to the coats by your front door and check every pocket of every one. Then hang back up only the coats you will wear this winter.
That is the first job on my first card. Whatever you find, you will have finished one whole job, and that is a lovely feeling.
That picture is the whole kit. I won't send you to the store for bins and labels.
It gives you ten gentle sessions, one part of the house at a time: the front hall, the kitchen, the living room, your closet, the bathroom, then the books and photographs, the spare room, the paper pile and the garage at arm height. The last five are rooms I never showed on camera.
Both feet stay on the floor. Sitting down to rest is fine, as often as you like.
If you cannot lift it with one hand, you do not lift it.
Eyeglasses. Service clubs collect them, and many eye doctors keep a collection box.
Tools. They stay together as a set until the family has seen them.
Whole pages, just as they look: The Stop Rule, Session 1, the A to Z.
You don't have to finish every page to feel it. After the very first session your front hall is clear. And as you go on:
And three habits stay with you for good: start with the easy things, check before anything leaves, and never lift alone. Most of all, you are still the one who decides.
I see you too. You love her and you want to help, and it is hard to know how. This gives the two of you one plan and one list. She decides. You carry.
I wanted every woman who needs this to be able to afford it. A printed book has to be printed, stored, packed and mailed, and that would have pushed the price a good deal higher.
A book you download costs far less to make, and it reaches you today. You can print any page at home.
Get my book · $19 →My promise to you. Do the first session. If it isn't for you, reply to your receipt email within 14 days and I will give you your money back.
No. It is a book you download and keep. Read it on a screen, or print whichever pages you like.
Yes. It is 18-point large print, and on a phone or tablet you can spread two fingers to make it bigger.
Press the link that comes by email after you pay. It opens like a photo someone sent you. If you get stuck, reply to your receipt email and you will be helped.
No. The video is one two-hour pass. The book is ten sessions.
Of course. Use your own email when you pay, then send or print it for her.
Nobody does. You only have to do the front door. Then, some other afternoon, when you feel like it, the kitchen.
I am not after an empty house for you. I want you to have a house that feels lighter to live in, where you are still the one who decides. I hope my book eases your mind as much as your closets.
Ruth
Get my book · $19 →
